my sisters under your porch take her home
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
