explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
