We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
