I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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