just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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