take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
