You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
