Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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