My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm passing your future prison.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
