i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
