My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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