I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
