Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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