Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
