I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
