She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
