oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
