At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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