Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
