YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
