so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
