In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
