Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
