please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
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