She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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