I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize