We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
