Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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