i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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