I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
