We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
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I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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