its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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