why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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