you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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