escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
