look no pants
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
