KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She's the barista slut.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
