he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
