so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
