guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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