I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
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He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
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I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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