Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Randomize
