and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
