I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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