Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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