I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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