i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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