This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
