well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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