It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
