Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Where is the hickey?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
