i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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