Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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