i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
