Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
