East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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