You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
