She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
