So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
