I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
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