i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
