I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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