Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
