see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
