Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
