i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
