dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
