dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
