Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I need moral support for this bender
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
