i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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