Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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