You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
