Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
