i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
