i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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